Am I terrible because I have dirty thoughts?

December 3rd, 2010 // 2:10 am @ Site Admin

On Thursday I once again had the privilege to speak to Dr. Miro Gudelsky’s, human sexuality class at CUNY Laguardia College.

I love speaking to college students. There is something intoxicating about the raw power of youth, the questions, the ceaseless curiosity, the fact that for the most part, they still believe they can do anything.

As cliche as it sounds, its truly satisfying to be able to impart some of your wisdom and experiences to people so young and hungry for knowledge. I have to hand it to teachers, because it’s such an important job, so powerful, that it must take a huge toll on their psyche. That’s a lot of weight on your shoulders every day, knowing that what you say to your students might be molding their thought process for the rest of their lives. For better or worse.

As an expert in alternative sexuality, I have spoken in front of many colleges and groups over the years and the one thing that stands out for me is “that moment”. The moment that you realize something you said had a profound effect on someone else. That moment when you feel the collective energy of the room change. That moment when you see someone shift in their seat and swallow hard. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, it’s special.

“That moment” happened for me today when I answered the question

Am I terrible because I have dirty thoughts?

and spoke a little bit about fear and the fear of your own thoughts. The fear that is instilled in you since you were young, telling you that your sexual thoughts are “bad”, or “wrong”. That you are “dirty” and “terrible” for thinking about those things.

I told the students that EVERYONE has thoughts like that. It’s really just a matter of how honest you want t0 be. We’ve all had a dark moment or two with our sexuality. Some of us a lot more then others! Whether it’s fairly gentile like when president Jimmy Carter admitted to “lust in his heart”, all the way to fleeting thoughts of things so dark and wrong, illegal and immoral that you are convinced that “you must be sick in the head and a horrible person”, RELAX.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU… EVERYONE HAS THESE THOUGHTS. Humans are complicated animals, our sexuality is tied in with all kinds of strange things in our psyche.

There is only a problem when we allow repressed and frightened members of society to feed us fear, guilt and dogma and make us feel bad about ourselves for having nothing more then a sexual fantasy!

So what if you have a filthy thought?
So what if you even might ACT on these thoughts?!
Heaven forbid that you might consider going out and finding a partner that you can talk to or act out this thought/fantasy with in a consensual manner. How DARE YOU HAVE PLEASURE!

And if your thought is nonconsensual, illegal, or would hurt others… then in the immortal words of Chris Rock… “JUST DON’T DO IT!!!”.

Point is… just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to act on it or should worry that you might. We all have lots of crazy thoughts. How many times have you gotten so upset about someone or something that you banished them in your mind forever. That you wished them ill will or WORSE. We all have those dark moments. But we don’t DO IT and for the most part, we don’t worry about it. We know it’s normal to get angry and lose it for a minute. We know we would NEVER do these things… we just think them.

Well, it’s the same with sexuality. We tend to fetishize things for the very fact that they ARE wrong. That they are taboo, etc. If these thoughts are “Safe, Sane & Consensual” then you can even go out and find someone that shares your predilections. If not, your fantasy can just stay up in the old mental rolodex to whip out when you are… “alone with yourself”, or when you want to whisper something very naughty into someones ear.

There are two kinds of people in this world.

1. People who admit to having dirty thoughts and desires…

2. Liars

So, in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, the answer is NO to: Am I terrible because I have dirty thoughts?

normal!

Category : Alternative Lifestyle &Story Archive &Truth